Don't Deserve You
by 4everDE
Summary: Elena's recurring nightmares leads up to one unfateful night that is more real than she lead on. Katherine's the only one who has the knowledge she needs about that night, but for her to get it Elena must hand over Stefan and give in to Damon unwillingly. Will she do it, and if she does will it be that bad? Even if she doesn't want to will she have a choice? End of S3 and on
1. Real Nightmares

***Hey guys I'm really nervous being that this is my first fanfiction! Although I am an avid fanfiction reader I've never posted one before, but there's a first time for everything! So here it is let me know what you all think reviews=love 3* Enjoyy**

The street lights blurred around Elena and she grabbed her hollow stomach as she sucked in the tears brimming from her deep brown eyes. "I'm sorry Damon, I'm so sorry, maybe if I had met you first…" she trailed off, knowing he would understand what she implied.

"Maybe," he said curtly, his hurt voice scraping through the phone, unintended but evident.

"Damon…" Elena started but he cut her off.

"Goodbye Elena," he said the words he feared the most and then hung up.

"'Lena you okay," Matt eased, looking cautiously at her face, but she didn't answer. All of a sudden her heart broken eyes transitioned to wide unsteady ones, and her quivering pink lips formed into an "O". "Elena, what's…" Matt began only to be interrupted by a raspy wail of panic.

"Matt look out!" Elena pitched and he spun the car away, screeching, from the black figure that stood in the middle of Wickery Bridge. Elena grabbed Matt's hand on the wheel as they plummeted off the bridge. Elena's stomach dropped at the similarity of what was happening now with Matt and what had happened not too long ago with her parents. As the car submerged, Elena squeezed her eyes shut, tears streaming down her face; she could hear Matt screaming her name, just like her father had. She didn't realize how long they had been under the water until her lungs felt constricted. Eerily, she opened her eyes to find her father and mother where she and Matt were supposed to be sitting. The loss of air must've been playing with her troubled mind, and she would've believed this theory if this was the first time today it had happened. All day she had been having flashbacks of her past, but this one was too surreal. Her shaky and numb hands grasped her seat belt just like when she was with her parents that fateful night and she looked at her father. She couldn't help but think how history was repeating itself once again, just like it repeated itself with Stefan and Damon. She turned this over in her mind until she saw her father looked back at her with fear swimming in his deep brown eyes, just like hers, then turn to start banging on the window. Her reverie was coming to a close as she was back in the car with Matt, who was looking at her with his blue eyes that reminded her of Damon. The knot in her stomach grew and as she tried to heave out a desperate breath of sadness, water filled her lungs. As Matt's consciousness wavered she turned and began to bang on the car window just like her father had and that's when she blurrily saw Stefan swimming towards her window and she was back in the car with her father and mother. Stefan, still hovering by the car window, started to open her father's door of the car. Just as he began, Elena's dad shook his head and pointed to her. Pain struck Elena becuase she never realized how she truly survived the accident and how her parents did not, this couldn't happen again. Elena floated back to the present, and just as Stefan began to open Elena's door of the car, Elena shook her head and pointed to Matt. The same hesitancy and confusion flitted through his eyes, but he reacted the same to Elena as he did her father and swam with urgency to Matt's car door. He flung the door open and then he and the now unconscious Matt were gone. Elena's mind flooded into a black haze that she had experienced before and her body began to float with lifelessness to the top of the car, her shaky hands, now loose, but still gripping her seatbelt. She reached over to Stefan, swimming away with Matt, but it was no use she knew what was going to happen. As more water flooded down her throat and into her lungs she let herself fade into the black, something she never had willingly done before, but this time she was ready.

Elena jumped out of her bed, sucking in as much water free air as she could swallow. She breathed in a sigh of relief as her lungs felt dry and open, unlike in her dream that she had been having for almost two weeks. She released her shaky grip on her bed sheets and ran her free hands through her knotted brown hair. She didn't understand what this dream could mean or why it kept reoccurring to mess with her already mixed up head. Was someone messing with her dreams, or was this an omen of something bad to come. She ran thousands of ideas through her head as she got dressed in her hang out dark-wash jeans, light blue cami, and of course her signature converse that have been through the darkest of her days, with hopefully not much more to come. Just as she was exiting her room a gush of wind passed through her open window and she jolted in surprise and slowly turned around. It was Damon. "Hey look, now might not be the best…" Elena started slowly but Damon just sat there and watched a place behind her with an odd expression on his face.

"Cut P.J.'s," he said as he got up from the window seat of her bedroom, Elena looked behind her with a hand to her chest, but no one was there. When she looked to her left though, she was startled, she was looking at herself.

Her breath hitched as she watched herself respond, "I'm tired Damon." Something about those words sounded eerily familiar but she just gazed, dumbfounded, at the scene before her. As he walked to the other her, she noticed she was wearing the same blue cami that she had on today paired with her pajama shorts, she mentally scoffed at his earlier comment about these pajamas and followed Damon's gaze towards her. She then realized this was the night that he and Stefan saved her from Elijah, the night that she had mysteriously been given her necklace back, but never knew who actually returned it, and she should've known Damon did. It was the small things he did for her that she appreciated the most, and she wondered why she never remembered. She was snapped out of her thoughts as he started walking towards her again, her necklace waving in his hands.

"I brought you this," he said matter-of-factly, and the other her let out a sigh of relief.

"I thought that was gone, thank you," she said, and she reached for the necklace in his hands, but he pulled it back. Elena breathed in, the memory almost complete in her head, but then it stopped. Her room brightened to its earlier capacity and she huffed out an uneasy breath, confused as to what had just happened. 'First the dreams, and now this,' she thought, but just as fast as the event stopped it returned, and the room once again darkened, focusing on Damon and herself from a night she unfortunately couldn't remember clearly.

"I just had to say something," Damon began from a different part in her room, she slowly turned her head to find him on her right this time.

"Why do you have to say it with my necklace," Elena's voice sounded in a retort, and she was still breathless that it wasn't her own voice in the present, that this was how she actually sounded.

Damon's eyebrows creased just barely as his intense gaze burned through her younger self's big brown eyes and he spoke, "Because what I have to say… is probably the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life."

The two Elena's were both taken aback by this answer and what it could mean but only one could respond, "Damon don't go there." At this point Elena's mind was struggling to come to grips with what was happening but before she could even take a breath Damon was already going on with his explanation.

"I just have to say it once, you just need to hear it," he spoke urgently, his eyes considering if he should say whatever he was going to say or not. Elena's mouth fell open and she was intently watching the two of them sharing this moment from a different perspective than usual. An outside perspective picked up on her younger self's heart racing and Damon's nervous features. Damon was never nervous; Elena was processing so much in her head that she almost missed his confession.

"I love you Elena," he admitted, and Elena's current heart skipped a beat. She took a step towards him and realized that he didn't even acknowledge it, his full focus was on the other her, whose eyes were watering and whose heart was pounding fervently. "It's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you," Damon continued, "And why you can't know this." His voice wavered at the end of this sensitive notion and he furthermore, selflessly continued, "I don't deserve you." At this Elena struggled to breath, her lips were taught and a lump was forming in her throat at the possibility that this might've happened. As she tilted her head thoughtfully he spoke again, "My brother does." Elena's whole body shook and her lips parted as she took another step to him, the past Elena actually living in this moment just stood still though. At last her younger self advanced to him just a little, her lips ready to meet his, but yet again he surprised the Elena witnessing this, in its fullest. As she was ready to kiss him, he approached her forehead, and placed a loving kiss on her forehead. She could faintly feel this gentle kiss on her actual forehead. It was as if she was becoming one with her other self as Damon's face stayed inches from her own for two more seconds and he brushed his gentle palm against her cheek and braided it through the hair that framed her sad and loving face. "God I wish you didn't have to forget this," he breathed to her passionately. As one single tear slid down his face from his crystal eyes, his pupils dilated, "But you do," he whispered to her. At last the two Elena's merged into one and she could still feel his hand on her face when she abruptly closed her eyes. When she snapped them open her hand grazed her bare chest and she looked around for Damon, nowhere to be found. She looked down and could almost see her old necklace glinting into her eyes and could almost see her white curtains floating into the air as Damon's exit gushed the wind previously brought into her room with his arrival, out once more. She wondered where her necklace was now and why she wasn't wearing it but the more prominent issue at hand was what had just happened. If she was compelled by Damon, why was she remembering it now? A string of thoughts webbed through her brain and her stomach twisted, 'No…' she thought worriedly. She pictured her reoccurring dream, and then what had just took place in her bedroom, 'Could it have happened?' She asked herself, and observed that at this point her heart would be racing. Before she could reach any conclusions, Elena's knees buckled and she fell to the floor with a gasp, but before she passed out and let the darkness take her out once more today she met her eyes with someone's feet rushing towards her, then her eyes rolled to the back of her head.

***So there it is...chapter one. Let me know how I did! Many may see this as being an alternate version of season four but we will all just have to wait and see. This was just a set the scene and what not kind of chapter it will pick up if I continue...which looks promising! Hopefully you all enjoyyed!***


	2. Kat's Back

**Second Chapter here we go hope you like it! This one is really short but I promise next chapter will be much longer!**

Elena awoke to a familiar hand grazing her hot cheek and jolted out of her bed and out of the grasp of whoever was holding her. She looked up to see Damon's worried blue eyes staring down at her, "Damon?" She breathed, and held out a wavering hand to his chest to test if it was really him and not some fragment of her imagination, that wouldn't be too surprising considering today's events. He held her hand to his chest and his lips quirked into a half smirk that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Not the warmest welcome I've gotten in my years but I guess it isn't entirely the worst either," he looked down at their hands on his chest and chuckled as Elena realized this and slid her hand out of his, blushing.

"What do you mean not the 'warmest welcome'," Elena tried to change the subject as she rolled away from Damon.

"Well, Elena, for some reason, you called me and asked me instead of Stefan to come over don't you remember, it sounded serious?" Damon joked, but a seriousness floated in his blue eyes.

"No, I don't what time did I call you?" Elena's confused eyes searched his own. Before Damon could answer her first question, Elena fired another, "When was the last time you saw me?"

"Elena," Damon sing-songed, "You okay you seem a little stressed, are you sure I'm the one you want to talk to or Stefan?" Damon teased.

"This is serious Damon just answer the question," Elena growled, obviously irritated, and Damon wondered why he was even called here, she wasn't his problem anymore.

"The last time we spoke you told me that you were sorry and that you chose Stefan as always," Damon answered tightly.

"Wait a minute, what were my exact words?" Elena's strained voice asked; this was very much like her dream.

"Why Elena, you don't remember your life altering decision?" Damon asked dramatically, showing his "concern" but Elena knew what he was doing, he was hiding his hurt.

"No, Damon you don't understand I…." Elena began.

"Oh no, I understand Elena, it's always going to be… Stefan," he answered.

"No! Damon just stop!" Elena's eyes filled with tears and her voice broke, she had been through too much too fast and Damon was just confusing her.

"Okay, fine what's the problem now Elena?" Damon drawled, she had never seen him this unaffectionate except when he first came to town.

"What time did I call you today?" Elena asked, ignoring the current state he was in, hopefully it would pass.

"At around eleven in the morning why?" Damon asked. Elena looked at the clock, it was eleven-ten, that wasn't possible.

"That's not possible," Elena repeated her thoughts out loud softly, "I didn't even wake up from my nightmare until around ten-forty, it must've been a late night because I don't even remember how I got home, and then when I woke up this morning…" Elena trailed off, remembering what had occurred after her waking, she looked up thoughtfully at Damon and he looked at her like she was crazy. "Oh, Damon," Elena spoke gratefully, taking a step towards him.

"What do you mean what nightmare?" Damon asked and he looked thoroughly intrigued, shrugging off Elena's current state, 'What the hell was she doing?' He thought.

"Well, it's been the same for two weeks, but this one was different because I actually felt it happening and the dream ended, all the other times it stopped when the car swerved," Elena took an uneasy breath and continued, "It always starts when I apologize to you for something, I'm always crying really hard and I always say something about not meeting you first and," Damon cut her off.

"What car Elena? That wasn't a dream, we had that conversation last night," he looked stressed in responding.

Elena's eyes filled with tears, "Damon, I died when the dream ended," she looked unstable, like she was going to faint again, but Damon just focused on what she was saying. "Matt's car, it…it swerved off the bridge and then all the water… the water was all in my lungs and…and then Stefan came but he…" Elena stopped realizing he saved Matt.

"Elena calm down, look at me for a minute," he ordered seriously, rubbing his thumb across her bottom lip, as he looked into her glassy eyes he gasped and backed away from her as if she was an alien.

"What? What's wrong Damon, please!" She screamed at him.

"No, this isn't possible, I'm supposed to be dead not you!" He shouted angrily. This was when Elena remembered Klaus and how the Salvatore's were supposed to die because of Kalus' death.

"Oh my God," she whispered to herself breathlessly, concluding what he was saying for herself, "How? What does that mean?" She let out her anxiety through thousands of questions. No wonder she didn't remember last night!

"I don't know but you need to tell me everything that you can remember since yesterday," Damon said.

"Do I feed, what am I supposed to do? Where's Stefan?" Elena was hyperventilating until something clicked in her eyes. "Wait a second, if I didn't call you to come over then who did?" Elena asked.

"Oh, hm you gotta be kidding me," Damon said.

"What Damon, what are you talking about?" Elena struggled to come to the realization he must've.

"Katherine." Damon growled.

"Katherine's here in Mystic Falls?" Elena whispered fearfully and then she ran out of her room and out her front door with Damon calling after her.

Elena stormed toward her smug looking doppelganger, who was currently in six inch stilettos, black skinny jeans, and a purple and black strapless corseted top. As Katherine rung her ringlets around her pointer finger, Elena scowled in disgust at her.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't rip your head off right now," Elena threatened, pulling her hair behind her ear and narrowing her eyes into the cold ones of her look alike.

"Well….," Katherine started slowly, her voice turned up in a raspy and confident tone, and with enjoyment burning through her eyes and a playful smirk on her lips, she clicked one stiletto in front of the other taking her sweet time until she was inches from Elena's face, "because you can't." Elena was fuming and just as she raised her hand to fight her, Katherine put up a single finger," Ah, ah, ah, sweet little Elena, you must remember that altercations with others can go on your spotless permanent record," she turned her back to Elena, seeing her as no threat at all and sashayed her hips over to the right of her. "You do realize that I can help you right, or are you really that much of a lost cause, what do those Salvatores' see in you, I guess you don't have to worry because its definitely not me," She giggled, at Elena's silence she pursed her lips into a pout and squinted her heavily mascaraed eyes as if she were looking at a puppy, "Aw, did I hurt your feelings I'm sorry," She patted Elena on the head, and Elena slapped it off. "Wow, I guess you aren't that much of a push over after all, but you really are stupid," Katherine growled as she pulled Elena's hair and dragged her to a more secluded part of the woods. "How did you know I was here anyway?"

Katherine's small talk aggravated her and Elena simply shot back, "I followed the stench of trash and figured I'd find you there."

"What happened to miss goody too shoes? Hey, I'm not complaining she was a bore," Katherine rolled her eyes, "This is serious though, we need to have a little chat."

"Oh yeah, let's, should we start off by how you killed me or of you pretending to be me this morning, you pick," Katherine pretended to be confused about her accusations.

"Whatever do you mean, I would never kill my doppelganger, where's the fun in that?" Katherine asked innocently, "But pretending to be you never does get old, it's just too easy."

Elena rolled her eyes at this, "Come on if you didn't kill me then who did, why else would you be here?"

"Let's just say a little blonde original wasn't too happy with you…or Matt apparently, but that's not why I'm here," Katherine explained, all yesterday's news according to her. Elena's stomach tensed at the thought of Matt, her dream really was a reality, and she hoped he was okay, but she had to act tougher than that in front of Katherine. "He's fine by the way, Matt I mean," Katherine pretended to care as if she was reading Elena's thought. "If it weren't for Stefan you and Matt would be dead, now I guess it's just you," Katherine laughed. "So much for boyfriend of the year,"

"Why are you here?" Elena asked through clenched teeth.

"I want something, something I've been wanting for a long time now, and _you _can get it for me," Katherine explained.

"What makes _you_ think that _I'm_ going to help you get what you want?" Elena asked incredulously.

"Well, if it wasn't for the major fact that I could kill you, it would be because I can tell you everything you want to know about your death, why Stefan and Damon aren't dead, where Klaus is, whose blood turned you and plenty more where that came from," Katherine stated, "And because of you martyr-like qualities, I presume your more interested in the second reason, but if that fails the first one can be arranged with no problem whatsoever."

"You know everything?" Elena asked astounded.

"Of course I do, would I be Katherine Pierce if I didn't," with a twirl of her hair and a raspy chuckle, Katherine disappeared into the shadows and said, "Think about it." She left her offer on the table with not so much as one more word, that was how Katherine Pierce worked.


	3. Deal with the Devil

**Hi guys I'm back sorry its been a little while! As I promised this chapter is a little longer hope everyone likes it! Reviews are love... :) **

**Disclaimer: Sadly I own nothing **

"I have to say, I'm surprised it took all of ten minutes for you to come screaming me back to you," Katherine said arrogantly.

"Well, I need to sort out everything that's happened to me, trust me it's been a long day," Elena raised her eyebrows meaningfully. "What is it that you need from me?" Elena jumped to the point.

"Stefan." Katherine answered simply.

"Stefan?" Elena raised a questioning brow at Katherine, "Why Stefan?"

"I love him and have waited far too long, I want him now," Katherine explained talking about Stefan as if he were a thing and not a person.

"What makes you think I can get him for you?" Elena pondered, a little scared of her potential answer choices and regretting asking the question in the first place. "I don't even know where he is, I woke up this morning without him, I thought he'd be there," Elena spoke softly and meaningfully, her eyes started to water but she shut them tight and then looked up at Katherine once again.

"Yeah, some boyfriend you have there," Katherine stated, but looking at Elena's dangerous eyes, she decided to tone it down a bit in order to get what she wanted. Not that she couldn't just threaten her life or someone else's, because trust me she could, but Katherine was always in it for the games. "I have a proposition for you," Katherine started.

"Go on," Elena urged her, annoyed.

"You need to find Damon, tell him you choose him and that you love him, he will obviously believe you and by that time I can have Stefan all to myself," Katherine spoke, like she'd been thinking up this plan for months.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there, I can't do this Katherine it's too much," Elena spoke fast and her gut was telling her not to go through with what she was asking.

"All you need to do is be convincing enough for Damon, with his rose colored glasses on I'm sure he wouldn't be too hard to persuade, and then you kiss him in front of Stefan," Katherine continues, "Stefan will be so hurt he'll come running to me, someone to help him through his tough time."

"But, I can't Katherine, I…I love them both too much to do this, and I can't be convincing to Damon when it isn't the truth, I picked Stefan just yesterday," Elena tried to throw out as many faults to Katherine's plan as there could be, but it didn't faze the stone cold heart of hers.

"Fine, then I guess all of your questions will be left unanswered, and this town will end up raining the blood of everyone you have left, Caroline, Matt, Jeremy...Damon," Katherine continued her threats and left Elena not much more of the choice that she had had only minutes ago.

"That wasn't a part of the deal, it was my death that was the price not everyone else's," Elena struggled to clear her head.

"Well, I changed my mind," Katherine spoke matter-of-factly.

"Fine," Elena said before she could change her mind and slowly walked over to do the most risky thing she had ever done, shake Katherine Peirce's deadly hand to seal the deal that could end up in flames.

"Looks like we have a deal Miss Gilbert," Katherine let go of Elena's hand and told her where they would meet tomorrow to discuss, and Elena felt like she was going to die all over again, and that's when she remembered she had a choice to make. Feed or Die.

*DE

Elena struggled to get home in her weak state, she knew she was dying and all she could think about was warm blood. When she finally got home Jeremy hurriedly opened the door and sure enough Caroline, Stefan, Damon, Jeremy and Matt were all seated in her living room. That's when she knew she had made the right choice in making the deal with Katherine, everyone hear would be dead if she didn't. As Stefan rushed toward her she raised a feeble hand to him to stop him in his tracks. "Elena I'm so sorry, I couldn't even face you after what happened last night," Stefan was shaking his head.

"Stefan we don't really have the time for this right now…look at me, I'm dying," Elena said with sorrow laced into her scratchy and dry throat. "You did what I asked you, you respected my decision as always, thank you," Elena finished, looking warily at Damon's disgusted expression.

"Hate to break up this little love fest," Damon started, "But can I speak to you in private Elena," he said through clenched teeth in a low voice, dragging her by the arm to the corner of the room. "Where were you, did you find her, I've been going crazy looking for you all day."

"I'm fine Damon, not as fine as i could be at this particular moment but I'm fine enough," Elena breathed, he was too close to her for her to be calm. After a second she continued, "I found her but she didn't do anything we just talked and then I left." She lied with difficulty as his eyes penetrated her.

"You don't just 'chat' with Katherine I don't know what you're up to but you aren't allowed to see her again," he ordered sternly, concern laying in his lapis lazuli eyes.

"You are not the boss of me," she stopped as he raised his eyebrows and pulled her face just centimeters from hers and her breath hitched.

"You know very well that I can be so whatever this little talk with Katherine was, it's not happening again. She's dangerous Elena, you can't trust her," Damon spoke softly, his lips barely touching hers.

"Okay, fine I understand no more Katherine I guess I was just in denial with the current situation at hand, you know me dying and all," she spoke lightly. He gave her a questioning look, good at reading her as always but shrugged it off.

"This is your life Elena, I never wanted this for you but now you have to adjust, whether you like it or not," Damon said roughly.

"Damon don't be so rough with her we still have a little time," Stefan interrupted. Elena hadn't even noticed that he stepped in, she was in a whole other world with Damon.

"You know what Stefan, if it weren't for you she wouldn't be in this situation," Damon began to argue but Elena stopped them.

"Yeah, and Matt would be dead," Elena screamed, her voice weak, as she looked thoughtfully over to Matt.

"But you wouldn't be," Damon retorted almost immediately, "You'd get to have a family, have kids, grow up," he continued, "I wanted that for _you_ Elena and I would've gladly given it to you because I am that selfish," he said with fire in his bright blue eyes. "I wanted you to get all that you were looking for in life," he concluded softly, and that's when it happened.

*DE

"I know Bonnie, you're right, you and my mom both are, I just can't bring myself to tell him, at least not tonight. I'm gonna call you later," Elena watched herself for the second time today, but this time was different, this was the night her parents died. She felt her stomach drop as her younger self hung up the phone, the last time she would speak about her mom in the present tense, angry it was compelled away. Who could've compelled her that night, Stefan? All of a sudden she was snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of his voice.

"Katherine," he spoke incredulously, a look of astonishment and hurt in his eyes.

"Uh, no I…" the other her spoke, turning to look off into the distance to see if anyone else belonged to the name, "I'm Elena," she introduced hesitantly.

"Oh you…you just look…I'm sorry you just really remind me of someone, I'm Damon," he said, a bit of confusion hidden in his voice. As if he were trying to piece together some mystery she didn't know she was apart of.

"Not to be rude or anything Damon but it's kinda creepy you're out here in the middle of nowhere," she said, on her guard. 'We met first,' Elena thought surprised, 'Oh my god,' she felt pain knowing why Damon was so hurt that she chose Stefan, they didn't actually meet each other first, her and Damon had. The sound of Damon's voice broke through her thoughts again while he flirted about her being all by herself too, that made the present her laugh as she kept watching their first interaction, mortified that she herself was flirting back. All of sudden things got serious though, she brought up being in a fight with Matt and Elena was mesmerized by how long ago this felt, and how long ago it actually was. "I don't know what I want," her past self explains, shrugging her shoulders.

"Well that's not true," Damon says, acting like he knows exactly what she wants, "You want what everybody wants," he continues, Elena realizes that he really does sound like he's lived for hundreds of years and laughs again before Elena goes back to the realness of this moment.

"What, a mysterious stranger that has all the answers?" the other her asks, smirking about her smart retort, this was actually embarrassing, 'I really didn't know danger when it was looking at me in the face,' Elena pondered with a smile.

"Well, let's just say I've been around a long time, I've learned a few things," he says smugly, squinting his blue eyes that shine bright in the darkness and giving away a smile. I know now that he was just messing with me with that line and smile softly.

"So Damon," she speaks, trying to hide her smile and blush, "tell me, what is it that I want?"

"You want a love that consumes you," he says as he walks toward her, "you want passion and adventure," he continues, only to make my younger self's eyes sparkle and allow a hint of a smile to spread, "and even a little danger," this makes Elena's heart clench at how well he understood what she did want at the time, even the little bit of danger. Elena and her other self try and absorb what was just said, but the only one that can answer lets the lust clear from her eyes and asks the one question the present Elena really wants to know.

"So what do you want?" she asks, matching his smirk before it falls from his face. Before he can answer a car beeps, jolting the two out of their own world they have been living in for the past two minutes. "That's my parents." With that, the present Elena's eyes fill with tears as she acknowledges the last time that would be said. A gust of wind surrounds the two Elena's as they once again merge into one, meeting the sky blue eyes of Damon Salvatore. They both are left breathless as his pupils dilate and focus into hers.

"I want you to get everything you're looking for," Damon responds to her earlier question, filling her heart with warmth, "but right now I want you to forget that this ever happened, can't have people knowing I'm in town yet," he explains with a wink of an eye and the quirk of a smirk. Elena's lips part as he wishes her a goodnight, tingles go down her spine at the sound of her name on his lips and then he disappears. Once she closes her eyes and opens them once again she is met with the headlights of her parent's car, she tries to tell them what will happen if they drive back, she tries to stop what will happen, but she can't move. She falls back to reality and lets out a gasp of air when a set of arms is holding her tight. Damon. Making sure she doesn't fall like earlier today because ironically, living in your past really sucks the life out of you.


	4. Turned and Torn

**Hey guys I was up really late with a really great idea for the future chapters once all this slow stuff is all settled and I'm really excited! Hope you like this chapter and soon enough things will start to get a lot more heated... :)**

"Elena what was that are you okay, it was like you were in a trance what happened?" Damon and Stefan are standing in front of Elena as Matt asks her what happened.

"You compelled her," Stefan says to Damon blankly. "Did he hurt you Elena, I swear I'll…"

"Stefan knock it off, this isn't what is really important right now, I still need time to think about what I'm going to do," Elena informs with a dry throat.

"Well you don't have much time Elena," Damon states, trying to avoid the elephant in the room and wondering which memory just came back to her. Elena on the other hand was jittery and paranoid; if she didn't turn that meant she wouldn't have to make that deal with Katherine, but would that really stop her from killing everyone that she loves? The answer to that question ultimately makes the decision for her.

"Actually…I don't need it, I know what I'm going to do," Elena says shakily. "It's what I have to do, I have to feed."

"Elena, you don't have to do anything, not for any of us this is your life," Damon stresses but this doesn't faze her, she can see through his lapis lazuli eyes that he can't lose her, she knows deep down she can't lose him either, him or anyone else in the room.

"You guys just, you don't understand," Elena forces this out of herself, running a hand through her hair. With tears in her eyes she sprints up the steps to her room and shuts her door, she needs some air. As she opens her window she hears a loud knock on her door.

"Elena, come on open up" Damon yells through the door. A faint brush of wind scatters goose bumps over her cold skin, and before she can react a hand flies over her mouth and forcefully grabs her head. She lets out a muffled scream that is cut short by the feeling of fangs by her neck.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," A raspy voice growls, it's Katherine. She pushes Elena onto her bed and wraps cloth over her mouth and around her head painfully tight and Elena whimpers.

"Elena!" Damon screams, hearing her whimpers, "Are you okay what's going on in there?"

"I'm fine Damon; I just need a little more time to think, is that okay?" Katherine's imitation of her is eerily good; she would've thought it was herself as well.

"What happened to being all for the feed," Damon shoots back.

"I do want to be a vampire Damon, I just need a little time to cope with it before I decide to turn," Katherine expresses innocently, she had to have been listening in the whole time once I got home, maybe even before then.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Damon asks slowly.

"I'm sure Damon," Katherine responds. "See you down there soon." As she waits for Damon to go downstairs and tell the others she keeps a sharp eye on Elena. "Let's go," she whispers to Elena and with that Katherine jumps out the window with Elena in her arms. Halfway down the road in Katherine's car, which is most likely than not stolen, Katherine rips the cloth from Elena's face.

"What are you doing are you crazy?" Elena screams at Katherine.

"I know you better than you think Elena," she grits out my name like it's poison on her tongue, "you weren't going to go through with turning, at least not for sure, I needed to make sure myself that you turned," Katherine explains, and Elena's eyes widen at what she is implying.

"I don't want to hurt anyone Katherine," Elena states in a clear cut manner through her clenched teeth. Her whole body was on fire, she needed blood, but hurting someone to get it wasn't in her agenda. Soon enough she wouldn't care and she needed to get some blood before she lost all control.

"You don't really have a choice in the matter now do you?" Katherine rhetorically asks, dryly and unenthused. Elena scoffs and rolls her eyes, desperately trying to keep a cool expression while she attempted to conjure up a plan; she just needed a little time.

"So, you really still have feelings for Stefan after all this time, why come back now?" Elena needed Katherine to take the bait, it was a long shot, but she had to have hope. Katherine's face turned to stone, hiding any emotion Elena could've worked with. She turned to face the road up ahead, pretending to be very concentrated on driving "safely" and took a breath before replying.

"Why the sudden curiosity, huh?" Katherine barely got that jab out.

"Just curious is all," Elena dragged on, eagerly waiting for Katherine to snap so she could gain her freedom. "Are you going to answer the question or not?" She snapped after a while of silence. All of a sudden Katherine jolted up and jammed on the brakes. Before Elena could register what was going on Katherine had her by the neck.

"You really should learn a thing or two about self-preservation, allow me," Katherine's voice sliced through the tense air, her strong hand gripping Elena's throat and slamming her head against the denting car seat. "Rule number one, don't push people who are stronger than you," Katherine snapped Elena's wrist at the word stronger and Elena screamed at the top of her lungs. "No one to save you now, huh?" Katherine's smug voice chimed into her ears as tears swept down her cheeks, but Elena knew she was right, she was alone and weak.

"Fine, kill me, you'll be doing me a favor," Elena choked out.

"I think I'd be doing everyone a favor if I killed you, but unfortunately for you I don't do favors," With that Katherine let go of her throat and Elena gulped in as much air as she could fit down her bruised throat. "Would you look at that," Katherine piped up, her mood switching to a cheerful one within milliseconds.

"What are you talking about?" Elena exasperatedly asked, clutching her wrist and holding back the tears that were making her eyes all heavy.

"Looks like we just got lucky," she replied, seeming pleased with herself, as always. As Elena followed her gaze, barely able to twist her neck, she spotted a young brown haired boy around her age walking down the street.

"No way," Elena said quickly, carefully eyeing her doppelganger.

"Just think about it, you'll get to live for Jeremy, find out what occurred last night, and stop that searing pain in your wrist and the tightness in your throat. Think about how the warm blood will gush down your throat, the satisfaction and liveliness you'll get from just one sip. You don't even have to kill him," Katherine spoke in a calculated tone, excitement roaring in her hushed voice, whispering in her ear.

"No!" Elena shouted and attempted to open the car door and rush out, but Katherine already had her pinned to the seat with little effort by the time she touched the door handle.

"Didn't think you'd be that easy after all you're _you_" Katherine stated with a tight smile. "I didn't want to have to do this, but…" Katherine's raspy voice trailed off, her eyes slowly wandering to Elena's neck, "No necklace? This will be easy." Before Elena could turn away Katherine's cold eyes were piercing into her own, "You're going to feed and drain the life out of the closest human in sight. After you feed you will come back to this car immediately and tell no one you saw me. If you don't come back in five minutes, Damon will be dead." Her monotone voice sent chills down Elena's stiff spine and her legs moved without command. Katherine made sure that if her compulsion broke off once she fed she still had to come back, for Damon. She had no choice; Katherine had won, again she knew she couldn't live with herself if Damon died at her faults. Just as Elena reached the boy across the street a set of hands grasped onto her and turned her around.

"Damon?" Elena asked, she should've realized he would find her, he always does.

"Elena! Where did you go, why did you run away?" Damon asked worried, fixing his eyes on hers.

"I…I have to feed Damon," Elena's tears were finally erupting and she couldn't hold them in, she knew what she had to do. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, unsure herself if it was directed to Damon, the boy she was about to kill, or both.

"Elena stop, you don't have to do this, I can help you," Damon cried desperately.

"No Damon. You can't, you really can't," Elena's strong voice turned into another soft whisper only he could hear. Her eyes gave it all away.

"You're compelled. Who compelled you Elena?" Damon tried to get more out of her but she just turned away from him and just like that bit into the neck of the boy. "Elena no!" Damon tried to rip her away from the boy but it was useless, she already swallowed her first sip of blood and it was the best thing she had ever had.

"Mm, so good," Elena moaned into the boys neck.

"Elena get off of him, you completed the transition its time to stop," Damon spoke firmly, grabbing her forcefully off of him.

"Dammit Damon leave me alone!" Elena screamed.

"Excuse me? I'm just trying to help you Elena, just let me freakin' help you!" Damon shouted.

"How about you let me help you," Elena pushed him to the side and picked up where she left off, and drained him completely. "There, now you can live," Elena concluded, throwing the lifeless body to the asphalt. She felt as dead as the boy she had just drained, like a part of her was too shocked to even understand what she had just done. She knew it was only a matter of time before remorse flooded into her veins to replace the blood, but all she could think about was returning to the car. With that Elena sprinted away, just a blur in the trees, while Damon watched dumbfounded. He was far too confused and angry that he had let that happen, he let his hurt distract him from stopping Elena. He didn't get hurt, he was Damon fucking Salvatore, and he needed to find Elena.

Elena felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders as she approached Katherine's sports car, blood dripping from her mouth, what she didn't know was that Damon had followed her and stayed low to listen in on their conversation.

"There are you happy now," Elena drawled out as she slumped into her seat.

"Me? I think you should be the happy one, why did you do it, once the compulsion wore off as you turned you didn't have to come back or drain that poor, innocent boys body," Katherine obviously knew the answer to that question but she loved any chance to make her blood boil.

"I had to and you know it, just drive would you," Elena growled through clenched teeth.

"You really are no fun, that's too bad no reason to keep you awake then," as Katherine smirked and before Elena could defend herself Katherine banged her head against the window and raced towards Mystic Falls with a pissed off Damon hot on their trail. He knew Katherine had something to do with Elena's behavior and he wondered if it had really been Elena most of the time. He needed to get her out of this alive, no dealings with Katherine ever ended well, and he wouldn't let her screw up his one chance at happiness. He followed them all the way back to the gilbert house, perched outside the Elena's bedroom window listening in to what was going on.

*DE

Elena stirred in her slumber as Katherine finished up straitening her ringlets using Elena's dresser mirror with thousands of pointless pictures of her dead loved ones, according to her. She scoffed to herself just as Elena woke up, "I shot you up with vervain sorry about the inconvenience princess," Katherine informed Elena coldly.

"What are you doing," Elena spoke slowly and unsurely.

"I guess I must've hit your pretty little head too hard," Katherine mumbled a bit bored with herself, she'd thought this was going to be much more entertaining than it actually was, but she was sure this would mix it up a bit, "We're going to switch places because I can't trust you to hold up your end of our little bargain, unless you're up to it."

"Up for what exactly?" Elena asked sacredly.

"Well here's how it's gonna go…"

Damon was finally about to hear what she was up to when Katherine stopped mid- sentence and clicked her heels over to the window and shut it along with shutting the shades.

"Just for extra precaution and of course I had your little Bennett witch spread whatever witchy crap around the room for a little sound proofing," Katherine explained and Damon cursed in Italian under his breath. As if on cue he heard his name and then it was all quiet, guess he'd just have to wait and see what happened which was something he wasn't very great at.


	5. Confusion and Love, Fire and Ice

**Hey guys! This is a longer chapter with some delena...yay haha I hope you like it! Reviews are loveee...**

"Damon, hey look I'm sorry about earlier I can explain everything I just…" she started but he didn't let her finish as he made his way across her room.

"That stunt you pulled…" Damon started, flaring his eyes dangerously at Elena, "Don't you _ever_ do it again do you know what Jeremy is doing right now and I wonder what Caroline and Bonnie must think, oh no wait what about Stefan. Stefan was worried sick and when I told him he was so disappointed in you 'Lena." Damon spoke passionately, trying to see if it was his Elena he was speaking to or Katherine.

"What about you." She spoke softly.

"What does it matter it's over and done with, you have Stefan now anyway," Damon's voice cut through the tense air like a knife, he was caught off guard, and she cringed.

"No Damon, you do matter…more than anything, you care about me…more than anyone, I'm most sorry to you that this happened," her voice was urgent.

"And why is that," Damon spoke, a bit skeptical.

"Because I love you Damon, I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember," she admitted. The emotion in her eyes as she said it made Damon want to believe it was real, and maybe all Katherine really wanted was to get Elena to turn, just to screw with them. He didn't want to ruin the moment if it was actually Elena and without thinking Damon pulled her into a kiss. A kiss that left her as breathless as it did in 1864, Katherine loved playing games and this one was getting good. As her lips molded to his she heard Elena coming up the stairs with Stefan, surprised Elena was actually going through with her plan.

"I'll explain everything Stefan, let's just make it to my room first, this may need a little privacy…" Elena timidly led Stefan to her room, knowing that in just a few steps his heart would be crushed. As she opened the door Stefan's mouth dropped open.

"Katherine!" Stefan shouted, yanking Katherine away from Damon's embrace.

"Whoops," Katherine began, "Did I forget to mention that Katherine was here?" Katherine asked innocently while wrapping her arms around Damon's neck. Damon shoved her hands off of him and she scoffed, "I'm Elena Damon that's Katherine," Katherine explained pointing at Elena. It had taken a while for Elena to get into character, curling her hair and putting on pounds of makeup just covered her appearance, obviously it hadn't fazed Stefan, still thinking it was her just seconds ago. Actually getting the personality down…well this was the moment of truth. Stefan and Damon looked at her expectantly and with that she gave her best evil smirk, tilted her head and said, "My, my, my a lot has changed since I was last in town, huh Damon?" Elena raised a manicured brow at him and Katherine and kept her smug face on the scowling Damon the whole time. Turning her focus to Stefan Elena knew her next move, "Stefan I know you don't believe that I love you but I do, obviously a hell of a lot more than _she_ does," Elena spoke looking disgusted with Katherine, still dangling from Damon's neck, "I knew they were together I just didn't know how to break it to you. I couldn't find the words, it would've hurt you too much so I opted on showing you," Elena surprised herself, seeing as though she got through to him. She placed a hand on Stefan's shoulder and he shrugged it off and sprinted to Damon about to punch him when Elena grabbed him. "That won't change anything Stefan Elena doesn't deserve a fight over her," Elena spoke fast knowing things were getting out of hand, trying to get Stefan out of the house so she and Katherine could switch back. As though Damon saw right through the whole charade he finally decided to speak up.

"Well if it isn't the evil slut vampire bitch, welcome back Miss Katherine," He spoke caustically and then charged at her, Katherine would've easily dodged him but Elena, well she was not even a day old yet. She gasped as she was pressed against the wall, Damon's hands gripped around her neck, but she had to keep the act up. His eyes showed victory as he was about to figure them out, "What the hell, not even putting up a fight it's as if you were just turned," he shoved her away with a smirk.

"What's the point in fighting when you've already won," Elena quickly recovers and sprints to Katherine, who knows to stay put, and snaps her neck. "_That will change his mind,_ "Elena thought

"Elena!" Damon runs towards Katherine and glares at Elena. Stefan stays put though, and Elena feels a sense of victory that maybe this time he really was through with her. The pain of ending a perfectly fine relationship swelled in her chest, and her gut twisted knowing it wasn't right to feel a sense of pride at what she had just done. She still loved Stefan, but not enough to put everyone else she loved in their coffins. Shaking all of those thoughts out of her head she transitioned her act to the final scene.

"Well," Elena drawls out wrapping a dangling ringlet around her finger, "At least I fooled one of you." Showing Damon that what he thought was wrong, that she really was Katherine, even if she really wasn't. With that she smirks and then picks Katherine up and jumps out the window, disappearing into the night wondering what she'd have done if it were daytime without a ring.

*DE

Katherine gasps as she comes to, "What the hell," she breaths out running to Elena.

"I'm sorry I panicked I couldn't fight them they would've figured it out, Damon already had us figured out I had no choice," Elena quickly explained before Katherine could snap her neck.

"No choice! Plenty of choices came to my mind but seeing as your brain is still as human as your pathetic heart is I'll give you a pass, I still need you," Katherine grits out between clenched teeth. "But it took a hell of a lot to not react to you charging at me, it wasn't part of the plan and next time you need to be more ready."

"Fine let's just get all of this over with, what's next in this stupid plan anyways," Elena shoots back, barely finishing as Katherine grips her neck.

"You'll never know if you don't keep your attitude in check Elena dear. Didn't you learn something like respect in kindergarten with your dear friend Matt, whose neck is delectably breakable," Katherine added.

Struggling to talk Elena finally succumbs to Katherine's strength and stops fighting, going ragged in her hands Elena mutters, "Yeah, respect for others meaning people, not demons like you."

"And now you too, even if it hasn't shown yet, you'll see you have my blood in you somewhere," Katherine gave her a look that could kill and she finally gave up the last of whatever fight she had left in her.

Elena, not wanting to push anymore buttons just simply asked, "What is it you need me to do?"

*DE

Elena watched as Katherine placed a reassuring hand on Damon's arm, this had been going on for weeks and once Stefan had caught them once Elena thought it would be over. Of course Stefan was in denial, I mean Katherine could at least break up with him properly but she wanted him to hurt, so she would be his shoulder to cry on once they switched back for good…bitch. Each and every day it had been harder to watch Damon and Katherine's 'relationship' if it can even be called that. After she had received the memories where he'd compelled her, she wanted to ask him why he compelled her and have a talk about what he said the night he returned her vervain necklace. Her feelings for him were growing over the weeks now, and every time Katherine laid a hand on Damon she cringed. She wasn't sure if she would ever love him, but this was the closest she had come. To watch how Damon looks at Katherine when she's not looking, and see the true love in his eyes, now that was painful. He thought Katherine was her and she hated every grueling minute of it. And with Stefan, after what had happened that night on Wickery Bridge everything had changed. Her love for him had dwindled down to practically nothing. She was so grateful that he saved Matt and listened to her but always putting everyone before herself got tiring. When Damon told Katherine the other night that he would always choose her, meaning Elena, all Elena wanted in that moment was to kiss him. 'Wait did she just say kiss him?' Elena thought, her life was so complicated and she couldn't take it anymore. She didn't know if she blamed Stefan for what was going on with Katherine now because if she was still human nothing would've happened the way it did. She did know that her feelings for him had changed though. It was all the memories she had had with Stefan when she was human that kept her loving him, she was in love with the Stefan she remembered from another life. Was she _in_ love with him now? Probably not anymore. She was tired of all the games and lies and secrets, she just wanted her life back, she knew her old life was gone once she woke up that first morning, but she needed to start over and this wasn't the right way. Maybe she just had to show Katherine that she could handle choosing Damon, then Katherine would have Stefan and they could go. Emotionally, Elena would struggle, feeling the guilt when Stefan's name was brought up, or remembering how much Damon loved her. Everything would be fake, and she couldn't handle living an eternity of lies, but as Katherine had told her, she really didn't have much of a choice. She just didn't know what she wanted, of course she wanted passion and a love that consumed her, but she thought she had that with Stefan. It was Damon who had told her exactly what she wanted and it was Damon that pushed her to be a better person and who made her smile even in the toughest situation when Stefan couldn't. She didn't know what that meant to her but all she knew was that she needed it right now, and Katherine was the only one getting it. Her confusion left her oblivious as to what was happening and she saw Katherine leaning in to kiss Damon. Without thinking, Elena angrily grabbed a rock and threw it at the window with as much force as she could muster. Damon and Katherine both turned abruptly to the scene, and as Damon stepped closer to the window, Elena flew in through the front door and shoved Katherine out, with her mouth hanging open. '_Fun's over bitch_,' Elena thought, she knew wearing identical clothing to Katherine would be a good idea, she was unknowingly preparing herself for what she had just done. When Damon turned around and saw her he looked her over strangely and for a second she thought she was busted, he never gave her that look. But beneath his scorching eyes she saw the relief that she was okay.

"Did you see who did that 'Lena?" Damon asked, concerned. 'When did he start calling her that and why did she get tingles up her spine when he did?' She thought, shrugging it off.

"No, I have no idea who could've done that I mean…" Elena started, acting as confused as she could but I guess he saw through that and grabbed her neck.

"What are you doing Katherine, I know it's been you here all the time I'm not stupid, where's Elena?" Damon asked, pure hatred in his eyes. "Elena wouldn't have just tried to kiss me and she sure as hell would be freaking out right now at what just happened," Damon gritted through his teeth.

Elena was unsure of what to do until she said, "Well maybe you don't know me as well as I thought you did, are you really so shocked I would kiss you?" Another moment of not thinking had her lips molded onto his, he was frozen for a few seconds before mumbling something under his breath and then returning the kiss with as much passion he had back in Georgia, except this time her feelings were intensified. An electricity crackled between them and she moaned as he began kissing down her neck. She grabbed onto his silky hair and pulled him up to look at her. She tried to show everything she had been thinking for the past few weeks in her eyes, and his eyes reached an understanding. The ice of his piercing blue eyes melted with the fire in hers and she had no words to describe the feeling of it. With no words they had just communicated in the deepest and most romantic way she had ever communicated with anyone. She didn't know what to think, was she falling for Damon? Damon who snapped her brother's neck, Damon who first came to town looking for destruction? But it was also the Damon who first came to town saying he wanted her to get everything she was looking for in life, it was the Damon who confessed his love for her and then compelled it away to protect her relationship with his brother. "Damon I have to tell you something," she breathed against his soft lips. Before she got to any conclusions about her feelings she needed to come clean. She needed to tell him everything; she felt this bond with him she never experienced as a human. Her feelings for him in that moment magnified to a love so strong it felt like she had waited forever. But how could she feel this way in such a short period of time? Just as their eyes met again, still wrapped into one another, Stefan and Katherine barged in, hand in hand, Katherine gave her a side smirk and Elena knew she was in deep trouble.

"Please, tell us what you were going to say Katherine, hope it's not anything you would regret," Katherine scowled at her as Damon threw her off of him.

"What the hell is going on here," Damon demanded a hurt so strong in his eyes that were just so loving seconds ago. He put a wall back up that Elena realized he had dropped being with her and she was shocked that this was happening. She picked Stefan, why was she feeling this way about Damon? Why was she hurt about losing Damon when she had just lost Stefan? And what was Katherine doing here; she really didn't think she could pull off being her when she herself was right here did she?

"Damon…" Elena started, almost begging him to listen but he put a hand up to her face.

"Don't" Damon whispered, he should've known they were switching places how could he be so stupid. He didn't know who he was angrier at himself or Elena; he didn't know she had it in her to be as evil as the evil slut herself.

"But Damon I'm Elena! How could you think I was Katherine after what we just shared?" Elena knew she was pushing it because he came close to doing what they just did with Katherine before she threw that rock. "I threw…" Elena was just going to admit to throwing the rock when Katherine interrupted, knowing she would expose them.

"How about you just leave Katherine I think you've done enough," Katherine glared at her and Elena knew that if she didn't listen her loved ones could be in danger.

"Fine I'll just go since no one believes me," With tears in her eyes Elena pushed past Katherine and stopped, turned around and looked straight into Damon's hazed eyes for a few seconds but this time the fire in her eyes had been put out and the ice in his had re-frozen.

**I'm really excited about the chapters I'm working on now and have some cool ideas I hope everyone likes, there is more angst to come but with more angst comes more delena ;) Some inspiring songs for the chapters yet to come are**

**Speechless (Acoustic version) by Morning Parade**

**In my Veins by Andrew Belle**

**Holding On and Letting Go by Ross Copperman **


	6. Turning Point

**Hey guys school just started so sorry if the updates aren't as often as I would like them to be :( but I am excited about where this story is going and here is another chapter!**

Once she got home she pulled out her diary for the first time in a long while, but just stared at the blank page she was supposed to write in for an hour, something felt empty in her and writing usually helped. Instead of writing she decided to look up her entry of the night Damon compelled her and when she finally found it read it with a careful eye.

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a little while but some strange nagging feeling wouldn't allow me to sleep until I started to write. My eyes are heavy with exhaustion but sleep eludes me, although today has been stressful what with being kidnapped and all. I should be used to this, dating a vampire I should be prepared for this kind of life, but I guess no one really ever is. When I looked over Stefan's shoulder to find Damon staring at me with something new in his eyes, something like love and hurt at the same time I felt a new feeling for him in my heart. I know this doesn't make any sense but he almost looked like he was hurt that I ran into Stefan's arms, but he wouldn't feel like that if he didn't have feelings for me. That scares me the most, Damon harboring feelings for me. I don't know why it scares me so much, it's not like I feel the same way…right? After such a long day my emotions and feelings are all over the map but I almost feel as though my feelings towards him have changed. I'm not saying I'm in love with him because I obviously love Stefan but something clicked in my mind when I finally sat on my bed tonight. I was so confused and I kept feeling like someone had been here, I just thought it was nerves and stress from being kidnapped but now that I think about it how did I get my necklace back? Why did I have tears in my eyes out of the random? Why did I feel an ache in my heart like I needed someone to understand something, why did I feel such longing for someone I couldn't put a face on? I am probably just rambling on about nonsense but this is the relief I need to finally get some sleep. I don't know what I will do about Damon, he was probably just as stressed as I was and was happy I was safe. I probably am just tired and that's why I had tears in my eyes and I probably just miss Stefan right now, that's why my heart aches. This is what I keep telling myself but something is out of place and I have a feeling Damon has something to do with it, and suddenly I'm more okay with that than I would've been yesterday, I feel like even though we didn't talk much today we've made a step in the right direction as friends. Just friends._

_ -Elena_

Elena sat, frozen on her bed, just like that night, she couldn't believe what she had written. Why hadn't she remembered this entry, why had she never looked back at it and that's when she saw it, an entry folded in the back of her notebook. _'What the hell?' _she thought, and her mouth gaped open as she read a letter from the night she 'died'.

_Elena,_

_I know I'll most likely be dead by the time you read this but I had to have the goodbye that we deserve even if it's a goodbye you may never know about. I hope you find this because I don't do this very often but like I've said in the past, you're not just any girl. I know that when I die the compulsion will break, you've probably remembered the night I told you that I loved you. I regretted compelling it away, but I knew that it was necessary because it never would've been the same between us and I couldn't risk the relationships we had, it was the first time since my mother and brother that I ever loved anyone, the first time that I thought about being human again. I knew Stefan deserved you though, I never would've been enough and as much as I hate to say it I couldn't do that to him, I couldn't ruin his happiness, not again. I wish that we could've gotten to talk about what I said that night but I guess this will have to do. Elena I did and always will love you no matter if I'm dead or not. I'll never get to know if you will ever feel the same way but I just needed you to see that I love you one last time. Whatever happens tonight you'll get through it your strength is one of the many things I love about you. You will find someone great and they will love you and you will have the human life you deserve. I know I didn't understand what you wanted before but I do now, and I respect you for your determination and will to keep everyone you love out of danger. I can't say that the person you will find will have as much of the passion and adventure and danger that you wanted but I think you've had enough of the later too to last a lifetime. Obviously the person you find won't be as dashing as myself, it's a shame the world won't get to keep its finest vampire, at least it will get to keep its finest human girl, its most beautiful human women. I'll never forget you Elena Gilbert you were my one true love, even greater than Katherine ever was, no matter if you didn't feel the same. If these are the last words I ever write I'm glad that you will be the one to read them, hopefully. Stay strong and no that you have one hell of a spirit watching your back from above or more likely below. Enough of this sappy crap now, I think you've heard enough._

_ Love always and forever,_

_ D_

Elena wiped away the stray tears gliding down her cheeks and formed a watery smile, laughing at the last line of the letter, knowing it was something he would've said reading over. She took a deep breath and couldn't believe what he had said; she couldn't believe he had it in him to say what he did in that letter. She was sure that if he had died she wouldn't have made it through the pain of his loss, his and Stefan's. She knew he had written this before she made her decision, before she ran off the bridge according to her nightmare. As if on cue Damon appeared in front of her.

"You know that I knew it was you right? That in all my years and the thousands I've kissed none have ever been quite like that?" He whispered into her ear. She had no response, his breath tickling the shell of her ear. "I thought you would find that sooner or later, one of my best works," He sat down next to her on the bed, showcasing one of his smirks. "Hey, what's wrong why are you upset?" Damon pushed her hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek, pushing her tears away and dropping the smirk.

"I'm not upset you idiot," Elena breathed and then she kissed him. This kiss was so much more tender and sweet than the last kiss they shared. Her lips moved perfectly against his and she was lost in her own world, their own world. She never would've thought that she would feel this way kissing Damon; she knew it would be great, but she didn't know so much love would emanate from just a single kiss. She was in bliss and didn't know if she'd be able to stop kissing him…ever that was until his hands started to travel all over her body, the spark of his touch jolted her out of her drunken haze. She knew this would go to a whole other level if she continued, and she needed to tell him everything that had happened. Licking her swollen lips before speaking wasn't so good, making his eyes wander back to her lips. Needing him to pay attention, she softly held his chin and brought his gaze up to her eyes, their eyes connecting, taking her to another world, "Look, I have a lot to tell in a short amount of time but first…why didn't you just tell me what you said in your letter yourself?"

"I would say it was more romantic but I'm sure you wouldn't believe it," He began and chuckled when she glared at him, "I wouldn't either, but I didn't say anything to you or give the compulsion back because it would've been too much for you," Damon said and by her confused look he went on, "That day you were in and out of the hospital don't you remember?" He looked deep into her eyes and she shook her head hesitantly. "You know I've never come across a vampire who doesn't remember the day that they died, even if they only remembered bits and pieces like you."

"It's really strange, I don't even have a diary entry that day to try and piece it together the only information about that day that I can find out is from…" She stopped, was she really about to put everyone in danger if she told him Katherine was her source of information? Selfishly, she was worried that he would be upset with her, why was she feeling like she shouldn't disappoint him? She needed to stop focusing on Damon and start focusing on how to get out of her situation. She never should've agreed to work with Katherine in the first place before she was threatened anyways. Maybe that's exactly what Katherine wanted. Was she the one that took her memory? Maybe that was even why she was in and out of the hospital. How did she even get vampire blood in her system? Now that she thought about maybe Katherine even turned her! Damon's worried gaze woke her from her thoughts, "Damon, how did I get blood in my system in the first place?" Elena was worried when Damon's face becomes stiff.

"Stefan told me that when he took you to the hospital before you woke up Meredith confessed to giving you my blood to help you heal from your earlier visits to the hospital that day, something about…" Damon stopped.

"Something about what?" Elena's voice raised.

"Something about your brain I was too stressed to remember the name of what you had but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with your memory loss," Damon said.

"That's what I thought," Elena said, concluding that her suspicions were right, Katherine set this whole thing up, practically killing her herself just like when she practically burned all of those vampires in the church in 1864 herself. _I practically lit the match;_ she remembered her saying to Stefan right before they met. "Will your blood turning me have any um, side effects?" Elena asked worriedly.

"Side effects?" Damon asked, stumped as to what she meant.

"Well, does it affect how I feel or…" Elena started but Damon cut in.

"Don't be ridiculous Elena, Katherine turned me and you don't see me feeling anything different for her, just hatred," Damon said angrily. "Now what were you going to tell me, before all of this you said you didn't have much…"

"Oh my god" Elena whispered almost to herself, when Damon turned to look and see what she saw to make her speechless she blew past him out the window leaving Damon alone in her bedroom staring at the letter he once thought were his last words.

What Elena saw would even leave Damon speechless; it was Stefan, a stake in his gut and chest. She didn't know if it was through his heart but it would be soon enough if she didn't go and help him, because Katherine was holding another stake, a finger placed at her mouth for Elena to keep quiet and a slight move of her head indicating for her to follow.

**Well there it is I hope you liked it reviews are love! **


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